I normally don’t share my journal entries. It’s my one safe place from the peering eyes of everything else I write. These, I suspect, are the woes of someone who has made it her goal to write for a living. Some days I want to go back to writing just for me. To figure things out. To breathe in the present moment so deeply it becomes electric. But, New York was something I was pretty straightforward about with everyone. It was also a time and place I find hard to articulate. So here’s what I wrote on my 24th birthday, as I was spending my last couple of days in the city. My program was over. I officially had my coveted Certification in Publishing from New York University. After four years agonizing over wanting this experience, it was over. And this is what I was left with:
This place has become an unexpected love affair, one that I could easily be enveloped by. But, I may never come out the same.
I am not the same.
While I could blindly romanticize the soaring freedom of walking down a new street and the electrifying buzz up through my feet– the pulsating, vibrant existence…
No place is perfect, but there is something so unassuming and liberating living down these streets and avenues.
I’ve felt this before. It comes after the dream. The moment you realize that thing you always wanted is right in front of you. You can finally touch it. Embrace it like a long, lost sister.
It’s a beautiful encounter, a piece of you slides into place. These moments are intoxicating.
It’s everything human.
It’s change. A sprouting of a seed.
You are now transformed.
It’s something if you’re still enough you realize you can find it anywhere. You realize you’re not touching the place, but in fact you’ve been forever impressed by it.
A streaking mark across your soul.
It’s this moment. It is new. It is ever-changing. It is woven into you.
Throughout life we are given opportunities. Some feel small, some feel bigger. Most can’t be defined by size. No matter how mundane, no matter how terrifying, don’t ignore them. Accept them or toss them. The deciding is the hardest part. No matter your choice you take a step forward, and that’s the best feeling I’ve ever known.
All pictures are my own.